[Thoughts.]

Kind of noticed it’s been awhile since I posted stuff. I end up watching this film on Netflix about this girl who blogs and it reminds me that I should really do a better job at this. I mean why don’t I? I have a Chromebook, I have stuff to say. Maybe what they say in said film actually does ring true. That people want attention for doing precisely nothing. If there is truth in that does that mean there’s more narcissitic in this world than I originally though there was.

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Saying that however makes me wonder if I should go back and look at previous posts. Just to see how far back the gap between this post and previous post is.  Or maybe I should just write for the fun of it knowing hardly anyone will ever read this. Or does that just seem like a handwritten diary that is left open for anyone to read if it were not on the Chromebook. Can be found in a search engine if someone knows exactly where to look.

I have so much I need to really get my head round at the moment that it almost feels like I’m being driven crazy. Sometimes Harley really is the ideal monikor!

 

 

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“If anyone comes in my secret place, I want them dead!”

In the grand scheme of things minor ailments, pretty much superficial ones at that, are pretty pathetic when it comes to storm damage. Definitely when you see damage to other areas. I was working up the community allotment yesterday. Not in the part when it happened but what I did hear was that it wasn’t good. One bad gust of wind, I’m pretty sure I know which as I had to stop working in my tree covered corner. Some of those trees you could hear that weird creaking noise that goes with wind rattling round them. The neighbours new shed roof had been looking to be blown off and so in the interests of health and safety, of which this time I did not mind, looked to be catching the wind quite badly. One more bad gust of wind and it’s possible damage is caused. They don’t make sheds like they used to! My shed is hardly a posh one, it’s just fencing and corrugated plastic, but it can withstand 60mph winds. Compared to ones that cost hundreds of pounds and can’t withstand said winds.

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I’ve not really had the writing mojo the past few weeks. I’d like to say I haven’t had the time but that’s nowhere near true. Netflix and the cat, and Mista J, have had me in their lives. And the start of this years growing season. I have a plan this year. To make my shed look less like a collection of things under a corrugated plastic roof. To make it look like these ones that look more home away from home that I see often on Instagram. Mostly they are painted purple with bunting and have gas stoves. At present mine is brown, a rusty falling down sign and is full of random stuff that looks like I hoard stuff rather than have an organised shed. Compared to my home it’s a hoarders paradise! With camping chairs! No gas stove. However nice it would be to have one. So Cuprinol will be my best friend when the weather gets warmer. I may even paint it purple. You know, just to be different. But mostly I kind of like the idea of a purple shed! And bunting.

The BTCC tickets are finally brought. Finally! The driver line up is almost complete. It really is countdown time. With less than 2months till I return to Donington. I say return because a few years ago I went to the festival in the fields next door. And to get to the stage area there was a trip I took that took me walking over the track. Happiest I have ever been at a rock festival whilst doing that! But it’s all organised. Train tickets even picked up. Hoodie brought. Well I saw brought but I’m umming and ahhing as to whether a Toothless from How To Train Your Dragon hoodie really fits in well with car racing! But hoodies are always a good idea at racetracks!

[In this space brain goes blank! To think I wanted to be a writer at one point. I’d be a crap one these days seeing as I can hardly write a blog post!] 

“Hey! Scram Bats! This is my me time!”

It’s been a bit of a busy but not really seeming so busy kind of few days. I will try and get some stuff going on down here as much as is known about but I should really start one with the big one! Mista J got me Suicide Squad on DVD for Christmas and ever the on time person I am I finally got round to watching it yesterday. I kinda liked it. I’m still too hung up on loving Heath Ledger and Mark Hammil’s versions of the Joker to properly give Jared Leto’s version a chance. So I might need to give it another watch. I -will- need to give it another watch. But oh my crumbs did I get teary over El Diablo’s moment. His backstory makes me tearful as it is but… Note to self; stop crying over fictional characters!

(They’re not fictional really. I’m the fictional one to them!) 

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One of the other things that I write a bit about on this blog and of which I haven’t as of yet is the fact that I kind of get out there and get my hands dirty. Non crime sort of thing. I’m probably Harley when she grows up, gets a better man for herself, gets inspired off Poisoned Ivy, and settles down when she’s stopped fighting good guys! Lives as happily in Gotham as it is possible to be! The point is this is a kind of gardening type blog. It’s been the wrong time in the wrong hemisphere just recently so not had much to do. Except hoard gardening stuff. Become a seedaholic. Spend too much on eventually needed items to store up in the shed. The compost got brought in reminded me that I’m not as physically strong as most other gardeners. Some people store stuff they never want to really bother with again under their beds… Me; I store compost!

Last year I heard all about these banana peppers that seemed to do brilliantly for everyone I knew who grew them. So this year I hunted them down and brought them. Along with a few other spicy little numbers. The plan to only grow sweet peppers went out the window the minute I saw a Cayenne growing kit on offer! I can be as pre-organised as I like but I swear as soon as I see something gardening related my eyes kind of light up and I revert back to being that slightly psychotic obsessive addicted demeanour I am known to have. This year I’ve decided to keep an eye on Chilli Fridays. This is something done by Skinny Jean Gardeners on Instagram. (Talking of which I really need to think up a new username as getting bored of the one I have at present.) I want to be good at growing them again. I used to br brilliant at growing peppers. Then I injured my knee very badly and had to give up for awhile. That broke my heart that did.

The date is set. The travel tickets are brought. The hotel is booked. The company is sorted. The neighbours are in agreement in visiting my cat. Because everyone loves my cat! And yet the only thing really needed left to do is buy the bloody ticket for BTCC at Donington. Mista J freaked me out earlier by saying by the time I get round to getting them they’ll all be sold out! No pudding for him the next time I cook! I will. I have a plan. I always have a plan. It doesn’t normally turn out how it’s supposed to but I do always have a plan!

“Like I didn’t see that one coming!”

Things you learn without realising it until you go gardening and realise what the weather has done: That smashing up frozen bits of ice is actually far more therapeutic than you ever figured it could be and people end up being surprised at how angry it is possible for you to get angry. Especially when you’ve just been singing “Let It Go” from Frozen and proving that the cold doesn’t bother you anyway with the attitude of a 7year old diva! Oh yeah, that was me today. It’s been one of the best volunteer gardening days had in awhile. Although I have learnt never to allow my friend to have a fruit cocktail smoothie for breakfast for he will end up being far more funnier than you ever had expected him to be!

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Sometimes I think I should have chosen Poison Ivy as my Gotham alter-ego but the point is that despite the gardening I have far more similarities to Harley Quinn. It just takes smashing ice up to realise that! And this is where the See No Evil monkey emoji goes!

Anyways to add to my slightly crazed and off the wall demeanour I have given myself the project of turning a corner of the community allotment into the flower garden from the Disney film of Alice in Wonderland. Too many people are having fun with helping me out with this sometimes! And sometimes you need a complete craziness of psychedelic colour in the midst of a place mostky full of brown and green. Not today seeing as the frost hit hard. So hard that when I visited my own allotment the lock was so frozen that my key got stuck in and I had to breathe on it just to free the key! The things you do for gardening!

i have this theory that got slightly dented when talking to someone about it. My theory is that if when you were younger you were a rocker. Festival goer. Was totally ok with the mud and the camping bit. I don’t go anymore sadly. The flashy light bit keeps me away. I remember one time me and a former friend went we just stood at the top of the Donington arena site hill, watching System of a Down and making scrunched up faces as to how they just seemed to want to get away with a strobe lighting effected stage. Who needs a headache?! We weren’t bothered too much, we’d just seen Alice Cooper! Bucket list; tick!

I love my festival life! I miss it but I couldn’t do it again these days. I’m totally happy in my Hunter wellies at least twice a week doing healthy stuff rather than singing my heart out till my voice hurts. Moshing so hard I get a headache. Looks like I do want that festival headache! Meeting people you’ll never see again and looking the worst you ever could do. Especially by the last day when you are just hiding your hair as much as possible under one of the craziest hats you will ever own! I still have my steampunk inspired Mad Hatter one. It’ll come out when showing off my Alice in Wonderland project I think! I can’t really miss my festival life much these days as literally all the things I had on my Bucket List regarding festivals have been ticked off. The girl I went with I don’t really speak to anymore but I’m glad I did these things with her as she’s literally the only one whom is totally ok with camping as much as I am! You need likeminded people to totally enjoy a festival with.

Nowadays I’m a grown up rocker, hanging about with other former rockers. Some of which are the very least you expect them to be but it’s bloody wonderful to have someone who gets it. Especially when they are one of your bestest friends.

No offence to my best friend who is such an indoor person that they lock him up in a room full of computers and expect him to fix them all. My living nightmare! I’ve nicknamed him Deadpool and it feels quite apt knowing what Wade went through to become Deadpool!

“Lets make this quick, boys. Stop BAT-brain, Now!”

There’s always a song that gets you psyched up for a situation, calmed down or whatever. Helps you get into the right headspace for things that freak you out. Almost like a friend by your side saying the things you need to get through what feels like a mindfeck. I got into John Mayer that way but yesterday’s friend was ironically off the Suicide Squad soundtrack. It hadn’t turned up on my iPod before but I can honestly be grateful that it did. For the sake of what the hell I’m on about it was Keven Gates’s Know Better to be specific. It kind of made me feel cool on a bus that actually also included more college students than other people. Oh how I remember those days!

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Anyways. I had to make my way to another hospital for my neurologist appointment. And I have no idea why but to say I was shit scared was an understatement! Now I’ve known this doctor for a few too many years now and we always get on so there’s never any reason to be nervous. I think I was just slightly bordering on panic attack because I had to relive experiences that I’m not particularly keen on. My invisible illnesses are most of the time totally cool to live with until they decide to make themselves known of! To remind me that they are there. So when talking about one comes into the foreground of my life I get a tad freaked out and nervous. The thing though with doing to see my doctor is I know full well what the conversation will be. And yet I feel like I have time to fill so I ramble nonsensically at times. I just need to let the fact go that this will be said, that will be said, then that and not feel like there needs to be silence to be filled.

So, like have said before (I think), my cat has FIV. My cat is one of the best out there. He has this horrid disease that one day could develop into something far more sinister but like me he lives with his invisible illness the best he can. Yeah he has rotten days, rotten nights but he lives with it. It’s cold at the moment so he’s more prone to the sneezing bouts that are always first sign that he’s not feeling too good. You catch the sneezing and settle that down then you can worry a bit less I have learnt with him. I love my fleece blanket but not as much as he does! To lessen the sneezing I wrap him up in it. Snug as a moggie in a fleece blanket! And he’ll be so happy that he’ll sleep like any human would wrapped in the warmth of their favourite blanket.Last night he had a sneezing moment. Last night I wrapped him in this fleece blanket. And last night I had the loudest meows off any feline I have ever known of! Bless his cotton socks!

“You don’t want to let little ol’ me down do you boys?”

The local garden centre has it’s sale on at the moment. You know you go in there a bit too much when you can have a proper good chat with some of the staff there. Got some good stuff for this years gardening season. I get way too happy over a propagator on sale! There’s a couple of us whom go up after volunteering on a Thursday. Normally just go for cake and coffee, with the main intention of buying something. It’s a running joke that I can’t go up there and not buy anything but I have proved them wrong a few times. This week was definitely not one of them! It’s also nice to go up and have a catch up with my favourite gardening people. Especially as hadn’t seen them since before Christmas. Kinda miss them when there’s not much of a routine going on.

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Mista J joked the other day that we’re definitely getting into a The Good Life way of things this year. Secretly I’ve been wanting him to kind of realise that for the past couple of years! The fact that he does now is like making me so happy! It’s something that both of us can really get into and he kind of really needs it with his situation. Slowly he’s realising stuff regarding the fact that he lives with Crohns disease. I’d never heard of it before I met him but the way I see him live with it it just seems a debilitating illness to live with. He saw his dietician recently and they think that I’m a star for the amount of fresh veg I pass on to him. It’s starting to click in his head how much better fresh veg is for him. He’s a better cook than me. We’re like a 1950’s couple only the other way around!

I’ve been keeping an eye on BTCC stuff just recently. This is my thing rather than a Harley / Mista J thing. Instead this is a Harley / Deadpool thing. Deadpool is the blog code name for my friend whom just happens to be a good one of those. He’s not really a Deadpool kind of person. In fact probably the exact opposite of Deadpool! I do think he may be more of a Marvel person than a DC person however. I don’t get that whole fandom argument. It totally baffles me. Anyways “we” did kind of start a motor racing kind of blog but I’m not too sure how long it will last due to the ponderings of Deadpool with writing blogs. I just sit down and go for it. Trick I learnt in RP days. Anyways I’ll keep him known as Deadpool over here.

The BTCC stuff however is intriguing. Some announcements I could see coming, especially yesterdays Turks leaving the Subaru camp, some have been complete curveballs like the new drivers. Intriguing to see who doesn’t get their place for this years season. Got an idea but keeping it to myself for the time being. That new Honda livery… just wowsers! These things always happen at Autosport show which is on this weekend in Brum (Birmingham) but I never want to go to them. It’s like ebing told what your birthday present is before your actual birthday. I like the Donington media day in 2months time. I like meeting the drivers in their natural habitat.. also known as a racetrack.

“Look who’s finally turned up! The Dork Knight himself! How’s it hangin’ Bats?”

Now I’m not bitter. Not bitter at all in fact. Annoyed, yes. Gears grinded, more so. I mean where do some people get off acting some of the ways that they do. It makes me so bloody glad that I decided to never ever in a million lifetimes to ever get married. It’s all proving my point this situation perfectly encapsulated in a tacky envelope that arrived upon my door this very morning. If your first impression of someones’s wedding is that it’s to be tacky then going is definitely deemed as a good idea to not go. Plus I’d rather swing my baseball bat at people than spend a day fake smiling at people who I will never see again and perfectly hiding my seething at the fact that Mista J wasn’t invited!

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So thank God for the saviour in my life that is BTCC. Thank God for all the small mercies that are involved with Rockingham speedway. Thank God that we discovered how amazing that track is. Not to mention the coffee! You can always tell how good a place is by what coffee they use! And Rockingham… best coffee so far whilst racing. And viewpoints. And atmosphere. And all that kinds of stuff. Not to mention best hotel to stay at with best Indian have ever had. So all these bests outnumber the amount of times I would want to swing my baseball bat at fake people.

And I’d get to see all my favourite people as well. No brainer really.

Been sort of a rotten few days if honest. Especially yesterday. I’m not too keen on a bad brain day to be honest. Not even too sure what caused it. Think it might have been the bad week I had just before New Year and because stuff has settled down and a lot calmer then it’s like saying to me “you know what I’m going to remind you I’m still here. Just when you think you’d got away with it I’m going to ruin your days for you.” Oh joy of joys! I am a officially diagnosed epileptic with essential tremor to boot. Along with myoclonic jerks and other assorted neurological defaults. I’ve wrote about all this before in another blog. No need for me to go through all ground again but yay for neurological defaults!

Discovered tremor in my lower arm today. That was disconcerting to say the least. Mista J thinks it might be because I hadn’t eaten. It’s a possibility I’m pretty sure of it. Ah well. Neurologist next week.

Sleepies time me is thinking.

“If you don’t stop pressing that button, I’ll… I’ll tell my Joker and he’ll be sooooo angry!”

Taking the time out to do a Harley kind of review of the previous year. Never going to be as good as a Charlie Brooker at reviewing of years but it’s always worth a go at. But where do you even start with 2016. I mean what a shit year. There was all that promise and all that yeah, this year is going to be the start of something bloody amazing.. and then it all wore off. It all went as downhill as quick as it could. From downhill to landslide. From landslide to apocalyptic crash. Then from apocalyptic crash to how the hell do we even come from back from this as it really is as REM once sang; It’s the end of the world as we know it. But unlike REM I’m really not feeling fine about the end of the world as we know it. That I can say for a definite thing.

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The first body blow of the year was one of the top few for me. It was the curveball I wasn’t expecting. Realising that legends do pass on. That legends do die. But legends will always remain legends. I’m talking about the legendary David Bowie. That stunned me as much as being winded and tasered at same time would. I have a David Bowie poster in my room from the Victoria and Albert exhibition of his I went to. I could hardly bring myself to look at it without breaking into tears. Part of me died that day. The part of me that decided I would never listen to the end of Lazarus as it would then mean I would never hear the end of his music. That was until the day I unrealisingly listened to the whole song. That man will never know how much he meant to me. He made it seem ok to be individual. To have ideas that may not be accepted by everyone but they would always be accepted by someone. Few people ever get that chance of be able to do that on the scale he did.

And the many others of whom broke my heart in the same way the many months afterwards.

I can’t even begin to bring myself to tell you how horrid it seemed to watch the political landscape changed. And not for just this country. It was almost like well you could get away with everything and anything if you lie but yet speak convincingly and passionately enough. I have however a new heroine in Michelle Obama. That woman is amazing. That woman deserves to be listened to with all those who feel like tolerance in society was discriminated against by such close minded, selfish, arrogant, rude arenas of society whom only look out for themselves and only do their research as to what the effect of their decisions are when we are for better a phrase stuck well deep in a quagmire of crap. I don’t have it in me to turn round and talk to these people as the one thing that is abundantly clear is that karma is a bitch and these people will have to live with their decision.

If there is any lesson to be learned it’s that the fight for the right of an understanding of a society that accepts anyone and everyone for whom they are as a person is far more needed than ever before. That you don’t need society to tell you that you don’t belong because everyone belongs. Not just that limited so called few who believe their hatred of a certain section society is the only hatred that should be allowed. I’ll stand as far away from that group of people as is humanly possible. You move forward with the times, not backwards.

The American bad democratic decision came about the time where I thought Twittah was a bad idea. The amount of dislike was there to see. The amount of stuff I thought we as a society had left far behind us was so clear to see it made me feel like I was in the minority in being want to accept everyone. I don’t like calling myself a feminist. The word to me is far too discriminatory in a way it doesn’t mean to be if you’re fighting for equality for all.

That’s it.. that’s that rant over and done with. I’m not even going to go anywhere near the Breakfast related democratic decision as that makes me angrier seeing as that’s my country and I voted in that one. The wrong way it would seem. The wrong way in so many different ways that it’ll irk me until my dying day.

And now is the time where you look for the silver lining. Because everything has a silver lining. Doesn’t it? Well if you just put your head down and carry on with your own life and cope with what’s thrown with you. That’s the only silver lining I can see. That’s how I’m coping with 2017. Pay my bills, keep my head down, try not to make a fuss and keep my head in a gardening space. Keep those I care about close and my enemies as far away as is possible. Just take a deep breath and carry on. Take my anger out on the plot whether it be digging or hoeing. Smile when there are things genuinely worth smiling about. Find the good in whatever you can. And remember Michelle Obama when she said when they go low, you go high. Morality wise.

And that was 2016. The lows, lowest, and the lowest of all. There’s stuff I don’t have it in me to mention but that’s the lowlights of the year in world history. I doubt for future generations 2016 will be remembered for all the wrong reasons. It was only a week ago and I remember it for all the wrong reasons.

 

 

 

New Year, new this & new that.

Nothing’s ever really new when that week after Christmas suddenly starts with a new digit at the end of it’s numerical number signalling it’s year. And yet somehow you’re supposed to have eaten all that food left over in your cupboards from Christmas. Clear the stuff out and start a-new. You can start a-new any other day of the year. I’m not going through my cupboards in the final moments of the previous year just to prove some cynical viewpoint that anything new starts upon January 1st whatever-year-it-now-is. That’s why i decided to resurrect this blog on a day that wasn’t starting in a 1st. Or you could call me a little bit late if you were really being generous!

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I’ve becoming to a realisation that however much I love Twittah I never really have much to say on it. I don’t want to show off my life in 140 characters, but I will moan at businesses if they’ve decided they have wanted to bug me. Or you know find out what’s good and going on with a random question from someone whom they believe to be a loyal shopper. The other reason of me becoming cynical as far as Twittah is concerned is my Mother has now found her way there. I tried making a new account but my Mother got suggested to me there too. So I gave up. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Mother, just not on social media! I concentrated on Instargram for a bit. Then realised I don’t have as much to show off as some people. So I decided to resurrect here instead for I seem to, as far as social media goes, have some degree of control here.

And to be honest I kinda like being Harley over here. In a non RP way as that has finally given up the ghost. I’m too old in the tooth now for all this RPing. I’ve said all I needed to say. But mostly by bestest RP friends aren’t around anymore, and there’s only so much solo RPing you can do. So lets get all real lifey instead, via the realms of a pseudonym.

Where to start.. hmm..

Well the gardening stuff has started to get going again for the year; plans have been made. The health kick has been kicking in. The arguments from last year have all been corrected and that’s about the only thing with a real good start. The rest is continuation of all things that have been going on since last year, before last year, the beginning of time. You get the idea. New Year has the tendency to bring out the cynic in me more than most times of the year and as I write this I’m realising how cynical I can actually be with it all!

I know what! Charities are going to love me this next couple of weeks! I’m having a major clear-out decluttering month. Oh God does that mean the New Year, New You thing has finally caught up with me. Bastards! In my defence however a lot of what is going does really need replacing. Last Black Friday I replaced my 15year old DVD player. Taken me awhile to get used to this new fangled Blu Ray stuff but I’m getting there. With the help of non-technophobic folk!

I know what… part 2! There’s some stuff in the pipeline for the year. I find in January the obsessive planning streak comes out in me. I think I must drive people mad with my need to get as much done that isn’t at the last minute as is possible! The least I need to worry about the happier I am! Or to put it another way the more seizures I keep at bay the happier I am! Anyways, there’s two lots of BTCC in the pipeline, Donington and Rockingham. Donington falls on my birthday this year so I could either sulk at not being there, or actually be there. So I chose the later. I mean I get to see my boyfriend, my best friend, my cat and my favourite sport and drivers in one day.. oh and Plato! It’s rare that things come together like that often. And I get to spend some quality time with the other half as we’re going away to Cromer I think. And I get to spend quality time with my kitty cat too.

His name is Minstrel. I never meant to get him so soon after my cat passed away back in September but I did, reasoning that the last thing my previous cat would want me was to be sad. Coming home to an empty flat made me sad. Lonely didn’t even begin to cover it. So I found Minstrel via a local animal charity whom was being fostered over on the other side of town. So I went one hot September evening to visit him and it was like we were made for each other without realising it. He loves chasing a laser beam. You can’t be sad watching a cat chase a laser! He has FIV, which is basically the feline version of HIV. I’ve learnt a lot about HIV from learning about his FIV as it basically means his immune system isn’t as strong as someone without it. He caught it when being a stray in a fight with an already infected FIV cat. I’m thinking about becoming an ambassador for cats who live with FIV I have decided to wonder about.

And for the record can I just say I am literally dying here to watch Vampire Diaries Season 8 after having seen all of Season 7 and literally glued to the last few minutes. How can you end a series that didn’t seem to have that much potential like that.. I live it when the vampires in that series go ripper!

I’m sure I have more to write about but I’ll leave it for another time. Probably when Mista J is playing that stupid games app that he whinges about but yet is still addicted to!

Peace out for now!